I was in high school when I first began to realize that I wanted more from my relationship with God—and that there was, in fact, more to experience. So much more. It was a revelation born partly out of necessity. By April of my sophomore year, I was already on my third high school in just two years.

Cultivating meaningful friendships at turbo speed was challenging, and I often felt alone.

Somewhere in the midst of all that mess of moving and changing and trying to make new friendships while still feeling alone, I realized that people couldn’t fill the hole in my heart. More people weren’t really what I needed.

I needed a friend who would go along with me to the next state, the next new school. I needed a friend who would always be with me everywhere I went. I needed a friend who was willing to share the wild joys, agonizing humiliations, terrifying hopes, and crushing disappointments of life. I needed a friend who was never too busy to listen and whose voicemail never filled up, so he didn’t have room for my message. I needed a friend who would never be selfish, distracted, or immature (but who would forgive me when I was).

In God, I found all that and more.

Many of us don’t realize this, but we have unconsciously spent our whole lives trying to fill the God-sized hole in our hearts with people-sized relationships—and then we wonder why we’re always left a little lonely, a little disappointed, and a little let down.

We wonder why the hole never gets completely filled and why there are always hollow spaces and gaps where we feel unseen, unheard, and unloved. Even the best of friendships can fall a little flat, leaving us wistful, wishing we could be closer, and feeling we should support and understand each other better. If we lose a friendship, the hole gapes wider than ever. We crave affection, companionship, and understanding.

People—even those who love us most and best—can never do for us what only God can do. The more we accept that, the more our friendships breathe a little freer. It takes the pressure off. And once we start filling some of the lonely places in our hearts with God and His perfect love, some of our neediness goes away. We are able to accept and enjoy what our friends give us with gratitude, without needing those friends to fill us up entirely.

We stop asking them to fill a role that was never meant for them. Our friendship with God fills the biggest part of our love tank—our friends just top it off.

Let’s discover how God exhibits some of the cherished traits of a true friend.

Understanding:

One of our hearts’ deepest needs is to feel understood. In spite of our imperfections, we yearn to feel seen, known, loved, and liked. Scripture tells us how God understands us more intimately than anyone else. Psalm 139:1-4 says, “You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say before I say it, Lord.”

God takes the time to get to know you—the very depths of you—the thoughts, needs, hurts, dreams, and passions you hardly know how to explain to yourself, much less confess to another human.

Companionship:

A companion is someone who shares life with you, who goes along with you—who literally walks beside you and keeps you company. They tell you stories and jokes, and they listen to yours. God is the only friend who can go with us all the time, everywhere, for all of our days. As Psalm 139:5–9 explains, “You go before me and follow me…I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!”

Parents walk before and behind their toddlers, protecting and guiding them, arms outstretched to catch them when they stumble, so our Father and friend surrounds us with His loving, protecting presence. No matter where we go, our God is with us—guiding and protecting us, sharing the journey so we’re never alone.

Empathy:

Sometimes I need to have a gigantic cry—the two boxes of tissues kind, the kind where I flush all my feelings out. And yet, without someone there to just sit with me, the crying doesn’t feel quite complete. I need someone to be in the room. Be my witness. I have learned that even when a human isn’t available—or willing—to fill that role, God is always there. “The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:17–18).

God is always near, and the more we hurt, the closer he leans. He hears our cries for help, and when sorrow comes, He invites us to weep into his broad shoulder.

Faithfulness:

The loss of a relationship can make us wonder: Is anyone faithful? Is any relationship permanent? Know this: There is a friend who never leaves. Faithfulness is one of God’s prominent qualities. He repeatedly emphasizes His faithfulness in Scripture because He knows how tempted we are to doubt it. “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

In a thousand different ways, God reassures us, “You can trust me. I’m never going to break up with you or burn you. I’m never going to abandon you or change my mind. I’m never going to turn into someone other than the one you initially trusted. I’ll always be here. I’ll always be Me. I am. And I always will be.”

God holds everything we long for in a friend: understanding, devoted companionship, empathy, and faithfulness. He is the one we can turn to, even when everyone else fails.

*For deeper reflection, listen to Psalm 139 today!

Want to uncover more? Stick around for the next 5 minutes of our interview with Elizabeth on embracing your emotions.

Adapted from When a Friendship Falls Apart: Finding God’s Path for Healing, Forgiveness, and (Maybe) Help Letting Go by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, releasing from Tyndale House Publishers in October 2023.