Let’s get honest for a moment. Can you think back to a situation where you lost yourself in an effort to gain the acceptance of someone else?

• Maybe you wanted to be accepted by a coworker so badly that you started drinking with them even though you don’t like alcohol.
• Maybe you wanted to be accepted by classmates so much that you started using foul language to seem “cool.”
• Maybe you wanted to be accepted by your cousin so intensely that you joined her in gossiping about other family members to get into her good graces.

We often change who we are in the hope of fitting neatly enough within their opinions that they will approve of us.

But when that coworker stops inviting you out, those classmates start calling you names and that cousin starts talking about you behind your back, remember—there is a gift in their rejection.

What if, instead of changing yourself to try to win them over, you allowed their rejection to free you to be exactly who you are?

Be like David.  In 1 Samuel 17:17, David’s father Jesse told him to take lunch to his brothers who were fighting in Israel’s army. David left for the battlefield early in the morning after leaving the flock of sheep he had been caring for with another shepherd. When he arrived, he ran out to the battle line to see what was happening and started talking to his brothers.

As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, stepped out from his lines and shouted his usual defiance, and David heard it. Whenever the Israelites saw the man, they all fled from him in great fear (1 Samuel 17:23–24).

Now the Israelites had been saying, “Have you seen the giant? the men asked. “He comes out each day to defy Israel.  The king has offered a huge reward to anyone who kills him. He will give that man one of his daughters for a wife, and the man’s entire family will be exempted from paying taxes.” 

David first saw Goliath when his curiosity led him to the battle line.

David asked the men standing near him, “What will a man get for killing this Philistine and ending his defiance of Israel? Who is this pagan anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?”

They repeated to him what they had been saying and told him, “Yes, that is the reward for killing him.” (1 Samuel 17:25–27)

Unlike the other Israelites, who cowered in fear at the sight of Goliath, David was filled with righteous indignation. He wanted to know what would be done for the man who killed Goliath, because he saw him and what he represented as a disgrace against Israel. But just as David was learning what the reward was, his oldest brother, Eliab, saw him.

When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “’What are you doing around here anyway? What about those few sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know about your pride and deceit.  You just want to see the battle!'” 

“‘What have I done now?” David replied. “I was only asking a question’.” (1 Samuel 17:28–29)

When Eliab looked at David, he saw him as insignificant. To him, he was just shepherding a few sheep. Not only that, he condemned David, labeling him as conceited and wicked. David’s history of being overlooked, ignored and disregarded had prepared him for this moment, while others might have let embarrassment drive them away. Instead of crumbling under his brother’s rejection, David anchored his identity in God and continued doing what Eliab disapproved.

In response to Eliab’s rejection, “[David] walked over to some others and asked them the same thing and received the same answer.  Then David’s question was reported to King Saul, and the king sent for him” (1 Samuel 17:30–31).

Slow down and read what just happened. 

After Eliab’s withering, degrading, and discarding words to David, David simply turned away and kept asking about Goliath. Because David kept asking those questions, someone overheard what he was saying and reported it to Saul. And because that person reported it to Saul, Saul authorized David to fight Goliath.

When you OPEN the gift of rejection, you will learn a valuable lesson. People may reject you no matter what you do, so follow God’s plan. Eliab even asked David, “Who do you think you are?” He questioned David’s character and degraded the worthiness of his vocation as a shepherd.

But it wasn’t Eliab’s approval that made David worthy to fight Goliath; it was God’s. 

Place your identity in who God says you are and what God says you can do.

• Stop feeling bad about yourself because he left you. Keep moving forward.
• Stop feeling bad about yourself because they overlooked you. Keep moving forward.
• Stop feeling bad about yourself because they didn’t invite you. Keep moving forward.

Don’t let rejection change you, let it anchor you.

Adapted from The Gift of Rejection: Harness Your Pain to Propel Your Purpose by Nona Jones. Copyright © October, 2024 by Zondervan. Used by permission of Zondervan, www.zondervan.com.

*For deeper reflection, listen to 1 Samuel 17 today!