I picked up my phone off the nightstand that morning and opened it with dread. I felt anxiety fill my body. On social media, I knew what I would find: other people enjoying their lives while I cried about mine.
Life felt so unfair. Hot tears filled my eyes, and I immediately tried to blink them back while I whispered a desperate prayer, “Lord, am I going to feel like this forever?”
As I poured my coffee, I made a mental list of what I felt like I could no longer handle.
For starters, I battled relentlessly with my mental health. And I also juggled two kids under five, my husband’s unforeseen job loss, the sudden passing of my father-in-law, and ongoing financial pressures, just to name a few.
I saw no relief in sight. It was hard not to feel frustrated, fed-up, and maybe even a little forgotten by God.
My soul was exhausted, and I was tired of trying. It seemed I had prayed every prayer I knew how to pray and read every Scripture I knew that pertained to my circumstances. Yet, nothing seemed to change.
Maybe you know this season all too well. Maybe you’ve been hurting so deeply and for so long. Maybe you expected to handle this better and to be stronger when everything came crashing down.
But it’s okay that you’re feeling weak and unsure. God wants us to let go of trying to figure it all out, and let him do what he does best—save us.
When God commanded Moses to save his people from their slavery in Egypt, they never expected their journey to freedom to take so long or be so very hard.
But God had not taken them to the wilderness to simply punish them. Instead, he brought them there to both teach them dependence on him and bring them to the good land he had prepared for them.
In Jeremiah 31:2-3, we see the Lord say in reference to that time, “‘This is what the Lord says: ‘Those who survive the coming destruction will find blessings even in the barren land, for I will give rest to the people of Israel…I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love, I have drawn you to myself.'”
God hears your cries for deliverance, and he has grace for you in your wilderness.
I continued to walk through my own wilderness. I realized God was using those things I thought were breaking me to make me more like Jesus.
I felt exhausted because I believed it was all up to me.
When I chose to trust him to hold my broken heart and receive his grace, he began to reveal the good plans he had all along.
Friend, will you dare to remember the heart of God when it is hard to understand why he is not fixing your most hurtful seasons?
Will you trust that, like the Israelites, you, too will find grace in our wilderness? Will you cling to the truth that he has rest for your worn-out souls and that he will never stop loving you?
Regardless of how you feel, you can stand in confidence that God will continue to be faithful.
Dear Lord, Thank you that you hear my prayers when my life feels like it is too much, and I am desperate for solutions. I pray you would help me to hold onto you in faith. Cause me to stand on the truth of who I know you to be; a good, faithful and loving Father. Thank you that you always have my best in mind. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
*For further reflection, listen to Jeremiah 31 today.
- Jeremiah 39
Enjoy further insights with Ashley Morgan Jackson in our interview with her here.