Once, during a period of exasperating insomnia, I watched a nature documentary, hoping it might put me to sleep. I was, at the time, frustrated with myself. It was a demanding era for me, requiring a great deal of personal discipline to complete my studies and carry on doing all the things that I needed to do to pay my bills.

Each day, I had the same relentless routine of studying, working, eating, cleaning, and preparing to do it all again.

My insomnia was merely the final stone in an avalanche of stress tumbling down the hill of my life. That night, I learned all about palm oil trees from the documentary.

Unlike me, apparently palm oil trees are very productive and make a lot of money. To maximize profits, the farmers created the conditions for this productivity by stripping away the many other seemingly useless plants from the jungle and planting endless, orderly lines of palm—and only palm—trees.

However, this process led to the diminishment of the area surrounding the palm oil trees—the same rich natural resources that caused the trees to be so productive in the first place.

As a result, while the farmers’ strict order produced an abundance of one kind of crop, it also started to destroy everything else in its path.

I saw myself as one of the palm oil trees. I was focused on only one purpose: to produce. I had cut and cleared the field of my life of anything that didn’t contribute to the productivity of my work.

And now, the forest of my life yielded less and less fruit. The world we live in has told us to make ourselves like palm oil trees,fit for producing and profiting. And the irony of this, of course, is that we often make ourselves much less “productive” in the process by depriving ourselves of those secret forms of nourishment.

Each day, a tree needs something slightly different: sunlight, shade, water, nutrients in the soil, and much more.

We are the same.

Sometimes it can be frightening when it feels like our effort or prayer hasn’t borne fruit. But remembering that you are like a tree can relieve some of this anxiety.

Even wintery seasons (as long as they feel) may be a time when our roots are growing deep. And our winter seasons precede the beautiful glory of spring. May we pay attention to what season we are in and embrace all that God gives us to grow and flourish.

We were made to do more than just produce.

“They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season” Psalm 1:1a.

*For further reflection, listen to Psalm 1.